~anito

Erik Eleazar

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oh, fuck

Sun Apr 30, 2006, 2:59 AM

My subconscious is toying with my emotional strings. It knows all the things I can't have and dangles them/ IT in front of me in a very realistic setting.

Goddamn it, I never wanted to wake up. I never wanted anything more than to keep sleeping last night and live the dream forever. Instead I wake up at 1 am like I've been doing for the past two weeks and toss and turn while desperately trying to recapture it.

I'm living in antiquated moments, when words once meant something and parties were worth going to ONLY BECAUSE of the chance that I might see you. I didn't crave the alcohol, nor the music, nor the other beautiful smiling waifs...

I don't know why I go to parties anymore. Maybe it's a force of habit.

Oh fuck it all.

I know I won't be the best at anything, or the first at anything. Nothing grandiose has been planned for my life and I've already wrought some positive changes in the lives of others. So if I'm not gonna get my share, why doesn't a certain someone just kill me and get it over with. He had his chance when I had cancer.

That's one of the biggest reasons why I don't believe in God anymore. He didn't let me die. That was my greatest wish as a grade schooler who couldn't turn his neck and had to spend three days in a hospital undergoing chemotherapy every three weeks for three straight years. I just wanted death, no frills, no hassles.

I'm stagnant now anyways, why don't you just get it over with? Maybe it's because you don't exist.

Yeah, I'll delete this someday. Maybe.

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~sophrosune Apr 30, 2006, 6:05:31 PM

You're a wee bit darker now innit?

But of course, if you keep yourself in the lurch, feeding a brooding Nietzschean emotion, then what of the clarity that you're trying to search all this time? If you switch the emotional meandering to a logical mindset then you'll begin to wonder the discrepancies. Like for example, why did he ever leave you alive without a proper reason. And no, the pain isn't it.

My friend, keep your head up even if life tends to be full of 5h1+ .

--
If we saved Kim Possible, then we can also save Jake Long!

~liberti May 1, 2006, 2:02:14 AM

I don't think that people were made to be born and then have their lives taken away for the sake of torturing them. And I'm not about to give you the long comment on the purpose of life and how pain is such a learning experience. Pain is just what it is, something that you hope would swallow you whole and leave you breathless. It's unfair, its maddening, and unforgivable. But while you're actually living, might as well make the most of it and look for something to do. I mean it hurts to get by the routine everyday, living with a burden and wishing everything would stop and that you'd finally get that slice of happiness. But if it won't land on your lap while you're living the life, we'll make one. Whether it's a simple pleasure, a made up dream, a new song to LSS over or a muffin. If He won't give it to you, if fate hasn't planned it for you yet, we'll make one. We'll make happy moments of our own

tell me your sched ayt? Let's work somethin out.

--
I have left DA for my tumblr home~ Hope we can be friends there

~anito May 1, 2006, 2:11:14 AM

meh, 7-11:30 classes. then I'm signing up for moro on tuesday.

--
[You're half a world away but in my mind I whisper every single word you say] -Oceanlab's Sattelite

~anito May 1, 2006, 2:13:03 AM

I'd rather do math. Number don't lie. Psychology has too many exceptions to the rules concerning individuals.

--
[You're half a world away but in my mind I whisper every single word you say] -Oceanlab's Sattelite

~liberti May 1, 2006, 2:13:26 AM

holy crap. i have free time from 9-12:30 but I leave UP at around 9 to tambay T.T wish we could hang some time

--
I have left DA for my tumblr home~ Hope we can be friends there

~anito May 1, 2006, 3:13:33 AM

whatever... san ka tumatambay?

--
[You're half a world away but in my mind I whisper every single word you say] -Oceanlab's Sattelite

~liberti May 1, 2006, 3:56:31 AM

mwf we teach at this place near amoranto stadium q ave. tw we're at 129 but most of the time we're broke so we hang out at vinzon's

--
I have left DA for my tumblr home~ Hope we can be friends there

~anito May 2, 2006, 2:22:37 AM

129? meh, tell me about it next time.

--
[You're half a world away but in my mind I whisper every single word you say] -Oceanlab's Sattelite

~sophrosune May 2, 2006, 4:58:20 AM

Which explains why you're so good at it all these time I've met with you.

Admittedly, that's one of the flaws of Psychology, unable to provide a workable map of the human psyche. However, if it were to be so, then there wouldn't much space for individuality now right?

Hey, do what helps lift you up.