Ugh, stayed up until three in the morning to draw for the 7 deadly sins themed litfolio. Did Envy, but I might just redo it/ add more to it since I'm not wholly satisfied. Plus I want to use another art style, I'm getting tired of my anime/ comicbook influenced form of art.

I can do realistic, but I need references, lots of them. And poses are hard for me. The reason drawing took so long is that it took me a long time to come up with an idea and I have the tendency to change my mind completely as I'm putting it down on paper.

Yeah, before this site gets flooded, let me wish everyone a merry christmas, hope you and your families are having a good one.

Wish mine was merry, but hey, best wishes to all of you out there.

after a long while, I got off my lazy bum and found the scanner working...

yeah.

new stuff up in deviations plus a couple in scraps.

Wow, someone offered me a job when I get out of college...

Just so long as I keep my creativity sharp, and maybe learn photoshop. He can get me in as an art director or for advertising. If and when I graduate.

Wow.

I just don't know if I still have it. My Design professor in architecture told me I had it, but I've been so out of touch with my creativity the past semester and this summer that I'm beginning to have doubts. I've let myself become bogged down by depression or physical fatigue or mental stress that I have let my artistic skills atrophy. I'm not even at the level of a first year FA student. I'm not even sure I would've passed the talent test if I had taken it last year and I feel I wouldn't pass it if I took it now.

Maybe I'm overreacting, or he's overestimating my abilities. I've always had problems being extremely creative under pressure. Sometimes my stuff comes out extremely blase, or sometimes it becomes uberly creative. It's a hit or miss situation...

Cultivate creativity while taking up economics? (I hope my application gets accepted...) Should be a fun three years to go.

I should learn photoshop just in case.

If ever I should fuck this up, I have a few people in mind to recommend anyways.

Extremely creative and likable personality?

My subconscious is toying with my emotional strings. It knows all the things I can't have and dangles them/ IT in front of me in a very realistic setting.

Goddamn it, I never wanted to wake up. I never wanted anything more than to keep sleeping last night and live the dream forever. Instead I wake up at 1 am like I've been doing for the past two weeks and toss and turn while desperately trying to recapture it.

I'm living in antiquated moments, when words once meant something and parties were worth going to ONLY BECAUSE of the chance that I might see you. I didn't crave the alcohol, nor the music, nor the other beautiful smiling waifs...

I don't know why I go to parties anymore. Maybe it's a force of habit.

Oh fuck it all.

I know I won't be the best at anything, or the first at anything. Nothing grandiose has been planned for my life and I've already wrought some positive changes in the lives of others. So if I'm not gonna get my share, why doesn't a certain someone just kill me and get it over with. He had his chance when I had cancer.

That's one of the biggest reasons why I don't believe in God anymore. He didn't let me die. That was my greatest wish as a grade schooler who couldn't turn his neck and had to spend three days in a hospital undergoing chemotherapy every three weeks for three straight years. I just wanted death, no frills, no hassles.

I'm stagnant now anyways, why don't you just get it over with? Maybe it's because you don't exist.

Yeah, I'll delete this someday. Maybe.